Reactions to Not Doing it Perfectly

One more post about the 31 day blogging challenge – this one, about my different reactions to not doing it perfectly, now that I’ve reached day 31.

If you read my previous posts on the topic, and there were two, you know that I managed to write a blog a day for 15 days, surprising and delighting myself even as I wore myself out.

Following that, I missed a few days around a trip I took out-of-town, but managed to post-lite a couple of times even when I was away.

It took extra effort to get back in the swing of it once I returned, and just as I was getting my footing, I left town for a conference where I was happily and exhaustively engaged day and night.

When I returned, all my attention focused on preparing for an important presentation and so, I missed more days of blogging.

If I give voice to my various reactions, I could say, “part of me” felt frustrated, disappointed, deflated at not being able to “do it all”. I had signed on for this challenge. It entailed 31 days, a blog a day. And now, I had failed to do what I signed on for.

Another part was understanding and whispered in my ear that I’m only human; there are only so many hours in the day; I need sleep, food, all the practical stuff. And there are other things I need to get done, like the work itself.

And, there was yet another part that worried about breaking the momentum, now that I had gotten into the swing of writing. This particular part is low on trust and manages by getting into a groove and pushing. “When in doubt, push”, says this part. It was amazed by my consistency the first fifteen days and superstitiously believed that missing a day would break the magic and ruin the future of blogging for me. I am exaggerating a little here, but this part does have an all-or-nothing kind of viewpoint.

Then, there’s this part that just wants to win the race, to be the fastest and the best. This part is stamping its foot right now and maybe even whining a bit that the race is lost and others completed it more consistently.

I probably have some more parts hovering with their reactions and viewpoints, ones that I’m not in touch with at the moment.  (Thank goodness)

So, that’s quite a crew to placate, considering this is the last day of the 31 day blogging challenge. It’s day 31. And here I am, confessing my kvetching parts in an effort to slip in one last post before the challenge ends. Which makes me wonder:

Who’s doing the writing?

Answer: Another part, no doubt. Yup. It’s the “good girl” part, trying to make up for short falls, hoping they’ll be overlooked.

Overlooked by whom, you might ask?

Just me, myself, and I rattling around in here in various guises. So, “good girl” is dodging one or all of my critical parts by writing this post.

Underneath it all is the one who’s observing: the one at the center where there’s no agenda, no judgment, no should’s.  We can call that my “self”.

And, as I sit back and gaze on the committee, the cooler, calmer, voice of my “self” comes through with the grounded message: It’s not a race. There’s nowhere to get to. The challenge is a catalyst, not an ultimatum. 

And, yes, thank you, to all parts that got catalyzed and kicked into gear to help me write way more than usual. Thank you for devoting your energies, oh parts of mine, to helping me break through that writing barrier that now is not so daunting. Thank you for taking the challenge as a commitment and gathering your forces to follow through, as well as possible, given our human constraints. And now, I am here to appreciate what did get accomplished, with curiosity for what’s to come. 

I’d love to hear from you, dear reader: When you take on a challenge (or avoid a challenge), what reactions do you have? What parts of you jump into the fray to judge you or protect you or build you up or knock you down. What parts are you aware of in yourself and how do they affect you? Or, how do you deal with them?

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About the Author: Naaz Hosseini

Naaz Hosseini is a singer, dancer, psychotherapist, and voice empowerment coach. She developed Powerful Presence™ coaching to help corporate and entrepreneurial women step into their vocal power to command the attention and respect they deserve. As a NYS Licensed Psychoanalyst and Qualified Gestalt Therapist, she supervises and trains mental health counselors at Teachers College Columbia University and therapists at the Gestalt Center for Psychotherapy and Training. She served as visiting faculty at the Harvard Graduate School of Education Project Zero Summer Institute for ten years where Howard Gardner has said, "With enthusiasm, I recommend Naaz Hosseini, a pioneer in using the voice and the body for understanding."