How I Cracked My Voice Wide Open

WATCH “Tablet” (Live, 1981) with Meredith Monk, Andrea Goodman, Naaz Hosseini:

I was immersed in music from the time I was conceived. My parents were opera singers and my father also played oboe, while my mother played piano. As an embryo, I floated in a sound womb, music weaving my very being.

I popped out singing, or close to it. My father loved to tell the story of giving me my nightly bath at the age of two, and practically dropping me in the water when I sang, note for note and word for word, the Mozart aria he had been practicing for his role in “Figaro” at the New York City Opera. And, to top it off, I was perfectly in tune.

Singing and using my voice were first nature to me. I made up song stories throughout my very early years and danced them around the carpets.

I was completely confident, tuned in and free-flowing.

But like many girls, as I approached puberty, that confidence and out-loudness began to disintegrate. I became more and more shy about singing or speaking out. And in eighth grade, I clearly remember my very brusk science teacher who consistently called on the boys and disregarded the girls. I loved science and one brave day, I raised my hand, determined to tackle his difficult open-ended question. As I thought through the problem out loud, he impatiently dismissed my attempt and turned to the boy next to me. I never raised my hand in that class again.

After that, I was extremely guarded about sticking my neck out verbally. Even though I was a very good student and did more than what was expected of me, I was very hesitant about expressing an idea or asking a question. I became unwilling to reveal any amount of not knowing or not understanding.

There are many more parts to this story, but I’m going to jump ahead to the most pivotal moment of reclaiming my voice. And, it’s no wonder that that happened through singing rather than speaking, given my beginnings.

I had moved to New York City after college to train as a modern dancer with Viola Farber whose movements were amazingly lyrical and sharp at the same time. And perfectly musical. I was comfortable expressing my creativity non-verbally as a dancer and as a musician. I stayed away from verbal expression, words, that could incriminate or trap me.

I started my professional career as a singer and dancer with the Laura Dean Dancers and Musicians. How that came about is a story in itself, but you can take a look at her amazing piece called “Song” that I danced and sang in.

A few years later, I received a call from Meredith Monk asking me if I would be interested in joining her Vocal Ensemble. Absolutely! A visiting choreographer at my college had told me I should work with both Laura Dean and Meredith Monk when I got to New York City.

So, I found myself at my first rehearsal with Meredith. There were just three of us, Meredith, Andrea Goodman and me. I was about to learn Meredith’s vocal trio, “Tablet”.

I don’t think I knew quite what I was getting into.

I had been classically trained as a violinist. I had had no voice lessons, just a lifetime (minus a decade) of singing. And, as I stood at the piano, Meredith demonstrated the first phrase she wanted me to learn. You can hear it on the video at 13:14.

Meredith Monk  – “Tablet” (1981)

It sounded like a wild interplanetary bird screeching its territorial rights.

I think every system in my body froze for an instant as I hit a dead panic. And then my mind raced. “I can’t do this.” “I’m not going to make that sound.” “That’s crazy.” “Are you kidding me?” “What have I gotten myself into?” And so on, as my thoughts scrambled about in my brain.

But there I was, standing at the piano with two faces turned expectantly in my direction. And I mustered all my inner warriors and all the breath I could capture and let it rip. In that moment, my circumscribed, classical shell got one big crack right down the middle. And my freedom began to emerge.

As I continued to work (for nine years) with Meredith, who pioneered “extended vocal technique”, I soon became free to make any sound – I mean ANY sound, no matter how wild, unfamiliar, or surprising – publicly.

I later needed to find my own voice, but that’s also another story.

I hope you enjoy the video. If you’re familiar with Meredith’s amazing and continuing body of work, you’ll get a kick out of this piece of history. And, if you’ve never heard of Meredith Monk before, here’s a glimpse into her early, not her earliest, pioneering work that has been largely inter-disciplinary and always cutting edge.

If your voice is a bird locked in a cage, I hope this story will inspire you to look for the key.

I would love to hear from you. Please add your voice to the comments below.

© 2013 Naaz Hosseini. All Rights Reserved. Copying or reposting this content without written permission is strictly prohibited

About the Author: Naaz Hosseini

Naaz Hosseini is a singer, dancer, psychotherapist, and voice empowerment coach. She developed Powerful Presence™ coaching to help corporate and entrepreneurial women step into their vocal power to command the attention and respect they deserve. As a NYS Licensed Psychoanalyst and Qualified Gestalt Therapist, she supervises and trains mental health counselors at Teachers College Columbia University and therapists at the Gestalt Center for Psychotherapy and Training. She served as visiting faculty at the Harvard Graduate School of Education Project Zero Summer Institute for ten years where Howard Gardner has said, "With enthusiasm, I recommend Naaz Hosseini, a pioneer in using the voice and the body for understanding."